What does that mean? Stuck.
I was listening to a podcast the other day about being stuck, which just so happens to be exactly what I have been feeling for a few months now. They were talking about how stuck is it's own state. It's not fight or flight. It's not freeze. Nor is it fawn. It's somewhere in the middle. That resonated with me.
It's a feeling of going through the day-to-day motions on auto-pilot, without much zest for life, but functioning. Even functioning well. Not unhappy, but not fully present either. Showing up, doing what's necessary, yet feeling this weight on your shoulders. A silent shadow on your back. Silent enough that if you didn't notice it, you might not even know it was there. But you feel it.
And the thing about feeling this way for me, stuck, is that my life is pretty darn great. I can't complain about it one bit. Kids are happy and healthy. My shop is thriving. My marriage is in a solid, loving place. I have friends and family near.
Yet I can't shake this shadow on my back...
I try to ignore it because like I said...I can't complain. So, instead I bare the weight of this invisible thing hoping it'll go away. But the thing is, the stuck shadow is me. It's my own self, intuition, body whispering...there is something here to pay attention to Emily.
The stomach aches, exhaustion, low motivation, skin irritation, frustration, heaviness, negative thought spirals, anxiety...it's my own body asking to be seen, to be heard.
So, despite the fact that I can't complain, what I can do (must do) is pay attention, listen to my body and the whispers before they become so loud it's a yell.
When I feel like this, there is almost ALWAYS something, someone, some stuff that I need to let go of, reassess or readjust. Often it's myself that I need to have a good talking to. I am holding on to too much, going through the motions, avoiding myself and doing the same old things hoping for a sudden miracle and shift to appear.
I was talking with Bobby about this, and he started sharing ideas of things I should do that would help...things to add to my list and my life. He is a solutions kind of guy. Gifting me solutions to solve my problem. Bless his heart.
The thought of adding MORE to my list (even if it is helpful for my mind and body) sounds like torture right now. I can't fathom adding more on.
In that moment I realized what I already knew, this is a season of LESS for me. A season of nothingness. Subtraction. Untethering myself from anything that doesn't fit where I am now and who I am now.
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Isn't is ironic that we live in an extremely connected world, yet I feel more disconnected than ever. We are surrounded. Surrounded by noise. Opinions. Judgement. Shame. Comparison. Shoulds and should nots. And it's LOUD. Uncomfortably loud. And for a human being like me who feels things on a deep level and struggles to separate from the collective energy - it's too much.
The plus side to this, is that I'm noticing. And with that noticing comes awareness, and from there I can take action.
You see, my mind knows what I need to do, and is logical about how to get there. More like Bobby's advice. Cut and dry. Do this, to get this result.
But my body feels stuck in mud. Heavy. Dragging. Slow. And when the mind and body are disconnected, that is easier said than done.
I'm sharing with you because I know some of you feel this too, the same sentiment I shared with Bobby, that I needed to hear myself...
It's okay to be where I am at. It's okay to feel what I am feeling. Regardless if I can't (or shouldn't) complain because I have it good. I am still a human being with human emotions. And my body and my intuition are speaking to me. I have the choice whether to listen or not.
Rather than add MORE into my days (workouts, walks, therapy appts, meet up with friends), I'm feeling called to actually remove things from my life and get back connected to me.
To actually close off the noisy world and reset my foundational needs. Reset my internal clock. Go back to the basics. Simplify.
I used the analogy of a boat with Bobby. My boat is floating well when I am taking care of foundational needs and desires in my life (sleep, connection, creativity, movement, nutrition, nature). I can withstand a few rocky waves that come with life. But when my foundational needs are not met, a rocky wave can sink my boat.
I have been honoring my needs and showing up for myself during this time of feeling stuck by practicing the following...
Observe and acknowledge. (just be without trying to fix or change anything)
Connect with my body. (breath, stretching, tapping)
Return to my body as my medicine. (everything I need is within me)
Disconnect with social media and news.
Make time for myself.
Connection with others that are inspiring, healing and up-lifting.
Take a look at those around me. (who fuels, who drains)
Take a look at what brings energy and what leaks or sucks it. (what fuels, what drains)
Boundaries with myself, my time, my energy. (everyone doesn't deserve all of me)
Let emotions flow. Release. (cry, scream, sigh)
Whatever is next for me, whatever it could be or maybe it's nothing at all - cannot present itself if I'm holding on so tightly to anything that no longer fits. Or if I am not paying attention to the whispers from my body, it will keep on trying to get my attention until I listen.
So, I guess I could thank my good friend, stuck, for coming in every so often to realign me and to shed light on the fact that I am human, and I am meant to evolve, grow and change which will be the way to becoming...unstuck.
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